Monday, December 15, 2008

ive been reading secret regret.

I have been reading the secret regret blog. and i want to post mine. but i dont really care if its a secret.
I regret not being honest with you. i regret pushing myself away from you. i regret the decision i made in april. i regret not keeping it. i regret not being a mother. i regret not being the best girlfriend and best friend i couldn;t have been. i regret hearing you tell me i wasnt the one. i regret coming home on saturday night to see you with someone else. i regret breaking up with you. i regret giving up on you. i regret acting like i was happy and over it. because i wasn't. i wont be for a long long time. you were my world. my everything. my best friend. we will never be able to be the way we were or have the same friendship we have. because now you keep things from me. all those girls that text you now. you hide it from me. you think it will be better if i dont know. but it makes me think more.

I had our life planned out. i wanted to graduate. move to california with you. love you. be with you. have a life together. get married. and be amazing with you. instead. i have been crying for 3 days. trying to tell myself that everything will be ok. but everything will not be okay. i will never forgive myself for the decision i made.

i should have done what i thought was best. not what i thought you wanted. maybe i would be happier. too late now. im miserable. i cant imagine happiness in my life without you.

i love you more than anything. you still hold the key to my heart. literally and figuratively.

if i take it back. will the pain go away?

go ahead and buy yourself a drink. because you know your deserving of it. go ahead and cry yourslef to sleep and think how you hate me so bad. (FTSK)

i need to get back to the city and get my mind off of my life.

suppress these feelings somewhere. maybe they will slowly go away on their own.

i need to stop thinking about you.
it hurts too much.

no one will ever understand what we have.
i dont think anyone can ever understand what we have.
through all of the hurt and pain.
we will be best friends until the day we die.

Monday, December 8, 2008

secret secret life on the side.
what have i gotten myself into.
falling in love is not allowed.
not here. not now.
not ever.
dont stop.
i miss the giggles.
i count down the hours until we chat again.
i look forward to waking up.
i hope you never read this.
i hope this falls apart.
it will.
it always does.
bad choices.
good choices.
no not so much.

dont fall in love.

kinda i mean i know you shouldn't fall in love with me as much as i shouldn't fall in love with you.


not but seriously.


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and if you want something interesting to read. thats a little bit more edgy (racy) inappropriate. ask me about my other blog.

BO <3